No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize