Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning