Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?