Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.