your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are