I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.