I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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