Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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