I have demons in me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
