that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
