all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
