My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
