One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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