if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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