I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
