When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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