i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize