I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
