Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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