Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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