Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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