all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
