if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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