What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
