If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
