Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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