I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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