nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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