are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
