I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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