She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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