I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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