I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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