I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
