Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dicks are not precious.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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