I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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