i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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