dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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