You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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