im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
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I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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