I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize