Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize