his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
