Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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