she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
