Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
