He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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