the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
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i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
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So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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