Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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