the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
