turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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