you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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