they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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