I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
