Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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